*ding- dong*
Who’s there?
Fed Ex.
MMM. Okay?
Sign here. Have a good day.
Dear Diva,
I know I have some explaining to do about creating such a stupid excuse for a man and putting him in your life, making you fall in love with him and then later having you realize he was a douche bag. Please accept this apology and gift and know there are plenty other fish in the sea. Good Luck!
Love Always,
The Big Man Upstairs.

In case you couldn’t tell…. this is a box of about 500 condoms. Apparently, someone thought I would make an excellent advocate for teens and young adults in preventing STDs and Pregnancy. Because I spend so much time watching Jersey Shore and am scared shitless of teenagers (somethings making them mean!) it makes me a great candidate to pass out condoms. nice. And then add insult to injury- i just dumped the dipshit. SMH. God really does have a sense of humor! I take it all in stride. I actually have lots of friends who will benefit from such loot! (psst, NY bloggers, If you arent embarrassed to meet me for some free rubbers, email me) And if any of you are stuck in this horrendous snow storm- you might need some love gloves to keep you warm… no?
Hope you are all well fed, warm, and cozy in this nasty weather!
On SuperBowl Sunday, my good friends opened up their home and ordered 100 wings. They asked me to join and I was more than happy to come. Not wanting to show up empty handed I asked them if i could bring anything. In a matter of minutes the requests for Mommy Crack were pouring in.
I made mommy crack a few times in the past and its easy and delicious. Just be warned- its not for the health conscious!
I was making a big batch for those hungry peeps. I started with two pounds of sausage. One spicy, one Sweet.
I removed the casings and diced them into itty bitty pieces and browned them. When they were cooked, I threw them into my 4 qt crock pot.
then two cans of spicy tomatoes or Rotel (can you beleive my supermarket didnt have ROTEL???) on top of the sausage crumbles.
Turn your crock pot on High.
Add two blocks of cream cheese. I used the low fat version… but i didnt tell the guests. I gave it a little stir and let it warm for 1 hr.
After one hour I set it on warm and let the party peeps dip and munch as they pleased. Its an easy crowd pleaser and its affordable! I got this recipe from a stay at home mom who upon tasting it the first time she made it dubbed this the MOMMMY CRACK. and it stuck!
We used the dip on chips, celery, shrimp, even wings!
And BOY where there lots and lots of wings!!! Honey Mustard (my fav), buffalo blue, Honey Terriyaki, and Garlic Parmesean. I will not lie. After the weekend i had i was looking for comfort and I found it in a plate of 6 wings, random handfuls of chips, spoonfuls of mommy crack….
And a big ass bottle of wine!
My beautiful Friend Arlenys, is modeling the damage made to the cheaply delicious JUG of Carlo Rossi Sangria that we polished off in about an hour.
When the Superbowl was over, I walked my tipsy ass home and had the nerve to want to eat some soft serve. And in light of a certain someone being a jackass I sought comfort in eating what I brought for him….
Yes, this feels right… but it should feel better than this.
There, thats better. Now i can enjoy his Soft Serve.
have a great snow day bunnies!!!!
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