Yes, I went there.
Last weekend I wanted to attempt my first loaf of Challah bread to take to mommas house to make some french toast. I’m told there is nothing better in the world then Challah Bread French Toast. Mom is a big fan of French Toast so i thought it would be nice to surprise her.
My last attempts at homemade bread were very very sad. And with all the lovely advice I got I decided to get over my fear of making bread and give it a go… Of course, I cheated a bit by using my bread maker to prepare the dough.
I measured all the ingredients, I tested the yeast and it was good, i made sure the water was at the right temperature and i put it all in the breadmaker on dough cycle and pressed start.
Nothing happened.
The light was on. But the motor wasnt going. So I made sure everything was on right and walked away from it to let it work.
20 mins later I come back to the smell of eggs. Thats not what I should smell. And when I peaked inside I saw that My stupid breadmaker was baking the dry mix. I tried to turn it on and back off, resetting it, and even unpluggin it! that machine INSISTED on baking the powder! So I took out the dough and tried to mix it myself. I burned my hand. That lovely yolk you see in the center of the flour was actually lava. It sure as hell felt like lava. I added some water, I added a drop of oil to make the dough feel like dough and set it somewhere to rise. Two hours later that shit shrunk. It was the poorest excuse of dough i have ever seen. I threw it away feeling like a failure.
I posted my failure on Facebook and got some emails on how to fix it. the sad thing is that I did everything right- my freakin machine decided to Fuck with me.
After having a shitty day yesterday, i went home in a good mood (thanks iPod for playing the right tunes) and had a talk with my bread maker.
“Listen, I know you feel all alone up in the closet at times because I don’t bread anymore. But I pulled you out of that garage sale because your previous owner no longer wanted you… and I DID! So pull yourself together and make some freakin dough!”
20 mins later… dough. Not the most beautiful thing in the world- but on the right track. I let it sit in the machine for the full Hour and then took it out for the braiding. So this is what homemade dough feels like. I like it. I lightly dusted my counter with flour and set a small bowl of water beside me so if I have too much flour, I can bring it back to life. I cut it in three portions and rolled out 3 long ropes. I probably should have measured the ropes. The manual said 10 inch ropes…

And thats about 18 inches worth of rope. But I didnt care. I was on a high. I was actually doing something RIGHT!

I braided it. It was gorgeous. Something told me to cut it in half but I was too busy reeling from my success as a novice bread maker.

I placed it on a greased cookie sheet, covered it and put it in my microwave for an hour. That seems to be the best warm place to rise bread. I scrunched it a bit so it could fit on my cookie sheet.

1 hour later. Looks like a catterpillar. But I can figure out how to make it beautiful next time (because oh yes there will be a next time!). I beat one egg yolk with 1 tbsp of water and glazed the bread. Baked it at 350 for 25 mins.

Catterpillar bread. Its ugly but it smelled so buttery and delicious. It was a mistake to make this baby so late in the evening because the smell of fresh bread at 11 pm will only make you do one thing…

Cut into it with some butter. It was incredible! There was a very delicate crunch (like a croissant) on the outside and fluffy, buttery bread on the inside. it was insane. I immediately wrapped it up and put it in the freezer! It wont last long if its left out- cuz I will eat it!
I am so proud of myself! And next on my list: bagels! and Brioche! and Foccacia!
cant wait!
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